R.L. Kramer

You got all the everything you see on the handheld tv.

You got me, on the internet,trying to talk to you about one thing. 

Amphetamines for kids.

There are so many shadows looming around us

Some designed as friends

There to show you the way

But what if it’s the wrong way

Amphetamines, man.

Speed, crank, crisscross.

They’re given to children.

The child and his parents arrive on a weekday to meet with a wealthy man with a nice home and ample office space. They meet in an office building, they chat. They’re given a permission slip to pick up the speed in the back of the grocery store.

The kid takes it everyday. He performs decently at school. He doesn’t disrupt the classroom schedule. 

Public school. The building uses all the same construction materials as a prison, but schools have a drop ceiling.

They get taken everyday. The child doesn’t know why they’re depressed. They just are.

They stop taking them for a little bit. The child gains weight, he starts acting obnoxious. He starts taking them again. Things change. He feels powerful. He takes them for eight more years and finds himself kneeling on the floor. Dead tired. Pushing a knife through the floorboards of his rented room, surgically pushing up small orange crumbles of amphetamine salt he spotted in the cracks while starting at the floor in the midst of a reckoning amphetamine withdrawal.

He gets better. His own way. He gets help.

He writes a book about his experience.

He writes this blog while listening to ambient music.

He gets banned for self promotion on r/stopspeeding. A place on the internet he thought was finally a good place to talk and discuss this book. He intended to share it as a resource for people in the situation he was in, but the people who run it ban him permanently for participating. He asks to get back on, they say fine, but he is not permitted to discuss his book or his youtube channel with people who may benefit from being exposed to this work he has created.

What am I doing with my life? Feeling so passionate about helping people on and off amphetamines? Or rather do I only want to help myself sell books? I am pretty determined to make this work, I can do without posting there, it’s a good thing, I’ll find what works.

I do want to help people — myself included.