R.L. Kramer

R.L. is a first-time author whose forthcoming memoir, “Hocus Focus” chronicles his perso–

The standard protocol is to pretend to write about yourself. Use third person to establish credibility to the reader. I authored a memoir about ADD/ADHD and its medications.

TLDR : I spent ten years writing an Adderall memoir that examines the relationship we have to ADHD medications via my own experience.

I self published my book on October 8, 2023. I am aware that self-publishing, in terms of publishing credibility, is akin to a participation trophy, but just stay with me for a bit.

I took amphetamines to treat the ADD I was diagnosed with when I was seven. I took stimulants for ADD for about 16-17 years. Some gaps in use. Amphetamine and I had an intimate relationship. When I stopped using them, it was an abrupt crash landing after years of growing a dependance. O had become wired biologically to require a substance to function. I had to rewire. I did my best to process the change. It was challenging physically, mentally and other. Quitting Adderall changed my life.

I processed some of what was going on by telling the story to myself. I wrote it out, with personally commentary and anger and resentment toward the facilities that invited me to be with these drugs. I wrote 80 pages or so and moved on with my life, occasionally picking the writing habit up when the change came. I started doing standup comedy with the intention of lightening up my language when it came to telling the story. I rewrote my manuscript, Focus a few more times. Healing a lot of tne anger, resentment and growing from the experience by writing it.

I put aside comedy to became a handyman/woodworker and put the book down for a couple of years as well. It came up when I was chatting with one of my clients, Anne. She asked to read it. I said I would bring her a copy. A few days later, she called me early in the morning and woke me up. I thought there must have been some issue with the work I was doing at her house. She called me to tell me she was reading what I wrote and that it was important and that it was good.

I pocketed this encouragement and committed to finish something. The ratio of – projects begun : Projects completed – had been a challenge for me. Perhaps, on account of the ADHD. Writing this book became a part of the process of healing that blockage and developing a new ability in relation to hard work and completion.

Once I picked back up one of the many drafts I had written, edited, rewritten, thrown out or started fresh from, I realized it was time to read a lot. I did my best to replace time staring at the endless scroll in my phone time with reading. The way I wrote started to change a little bit, both in terms of how I actually wrote, and what was coming out of it. Work got really busy and I worked in fits and spurts until things slowed down. Still as often as I could muster, I wrote and edited it in the mornings before work and after dinner and bedtime. One evening, as I was a grain away from slumber, the words Hocus Focus popped into my mind and I managed to grab a scrap piece of paper and a pen before I fell asleep

I established workflows and routines for writing and told myself that the only way this was going to get down was if I did it. I got help with a copy editor, readers, friends and family and finished the book.

In the lead up to release and continually, I have participated online in the ADHD conversation and hope to be able to initiate a dialogue about ADHD medications. I look forward to speaking publicly about my experience with stimulant medications and hope to act as a resource for others with similar struggles.